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"All my friends have said that their first time were awful. What can I do to make it enjoyable?"
Both men and women are afraid of losing their virginity, as it represents an important change in you.
Don't panic, your first time is never going to be the best! And it certainly won't have any bearing on the rest of
your intimate career.
The most important thing to remember is that the vagina must be properly lubricated, so don't rush things.
Make sure your partner knows you are a virgin, so he enters you carefully.
Wait until you really want to have deep contact, don't just do it because you have reached a certain age, or
because everyone else is doing it. It has nothing to do with how old you are, more how much you want to do it,
so wait for the right time, (if not the right person).
The missionary position is best for your first time, as you can easily guide his organ in with your hand and wait
for the right moment. This position will allow you vaginal muscles to relax too, being too tense could cause
pain or discomfort (Maude Julien, Sex Therapist)
Having it for the first time
There can be lot of pressure to lose your virginity - that is, to have intimate contact for the first time. Having it
with someone just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is
something you may regret later.
You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you 'go all the way' - have intimate contact. You may feel
embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's
natural to feel some worries but good communication will really help to prevent you feeling embarrassed or
worried. You should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel about it for the first time, and about any
concerns you may have. Your partner might be worried, too. Being relaxed and able to share things with your
partner will really ease the tension. And if you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your
partner - then you probably shouldn't be having close contacts!
Having intimate contact - when a boy's hard organ goes inside a girl's vagina, or even just touches the outside.
Remember - it can lead to pregnancy. So, before having contacts you should think about whether you need to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and condom to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases
(STDs) including HIV/AIDS.
Can a girl become pregnant the first time she has ... it?
Yes, a girl can become pregnant the first time she has intimate contact. So, you must use contraception , if you
don't want to risk becoming pregnant.
Love and feelings
For some people private feelings are bound up with love and close relationships. Some people think intimate
contacts should only happen within marriage. For some people contacts and love are two different things.
What is important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe.
Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and STDs. But also emotional risk
such as the regret you may feel afterwards.
When are you ready?
There is no absolute right age to start having intimate relations. What matters is whether it is the right time for
you. It also depends on what you mean by 'having intimate relations'. There are many ways in which you can
give and receive pleasure without having contacts.
Giving each other massages, kissing and hugging can be very passionate. It's a way of sharing and showing
love. For some people these activities can be more fulfilling than the act itself.
You get pressure from people talking about intimacy. You think, 'I've got to go and see what it's like'. It's hard,
but you've got to resist and do what you want.
It's very important not to feel pressurized into having it when you don't really want to. Just because your friends
say they are 'doing it' doesn't mean they are.
Thinking through all the implications can be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of
reasons why people don't want to have intimate contacts. You may feel that you are not ready emotionally.
Being pushed into having it could mean you regret it later on. Some people have quite strong religious or
cultural beliefs. Others just want to wait.
Some people call this decision to wait 'abstinence'. The decision to abstain can be either a long-term decision
or a short-term one. Some people decide that they do not want to start until they are married or in a significant
long-term relationship. Other people may decide that it isn't the right thing for them at this particular time. Later
on they may meet a person who they want and feel ready. The decision whether to have it or not is an
important one. You should do what is right for you. It should be an informed decision, and not one based on
fear or pressure from others.
But when a boy and girl do decide they want to have intimate contacts, they should think about using a contraceptive unless they want to become parents. Condoms can help stop infections like STDs and HIV as
well as reducing the risk of getting pregnant.
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How exactly to do it? What position is best?
Intimate contacts between a boy and a girl starts with both of them getting excited as a result of kissing,
stroking, caressing rubbing and touching each other. This excitement will result in certain physical signs of
excitement. For the girl, the vagina, the opening between the legs begins to moisten. The boy will get an
erection, which means his organ will get bigger and harden. It is important that this stimulation goes on for
long enough, because if the girl is not excited enough, then she will not be lubricated and moist enough, and it
will be difficult for the boy's organ to enter the girl's vagina.
When the couple are both ready to have actual act (and this includes the boy putting a condom on if he is going
to use one), it is probably easiest if either the boy or the girl uses their hand to guide the penis into the vagina.
Then, once the organ is inside, the couple needs to move their bodies so that the organ pushes into the
vagina and then pulls partly out again. After a while this movement can lead to orgasm (coming or climaxing)
for one or both of them.
There are quite a number of different positions in which you can have contacts. One very common position
involves both the boy and the girl lying down, with the boy lying on top (This is often referred to as the
missionary position). Alternatively the girl can be on top or both the boy and the girl can lie on their sides. It is
probably easiest to choose one of these positions if you are having intimate contact for the first time. However,
you can also have it with both the boy and the girl sitting down, one on the other, or both can be standing up.
What is most important about whichever position you choose is that it provides stimulation and enjoyment for
both of you.
Will first time hurt?
Many boys and girls are concerned that it will hurt the first time they have it. It can hurt and some girls do bleed
a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time.
The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she
is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl
might already have broken her hymen without knowing about it. For example, this can happen as a result of
playing sports or horse riding or tampon use. |
